By Tammy Shaklee, Founder, He's For Me
When gay singles conduct their personal interview with a certified matchmaker, they can be quite specific regarding the man they are seeking in a long-term relationship. I've experienced singles bringing in detailed multi-page lists, some prioritized, charted, and even diagrammed out. Most have a list on their phone. Others have even presented color-coded 3x5 cards. Each time, I feel honored that they are revealing a part of their personal desires, an honest part of their heart and soul, in their ideal person for a relationship (not a hook up).
We also list with them the key qualities and key values important in a partner. Compatibility means they would choose that person, AND that they would choose them back. We talk personality types, emotional and spiritual components, and even energy level and drive; in addition to the physical attraction ideals of course. (Please, gentlemen, we know you.)
But after an extended period of describing what they want, I'll ask what they don't want (i.e. - deal breakers). And the answers that are listed here sometimes make me chuckle, just a bit. I've often heard, "Well, if they don't have a car, or a job, or if they're on drugs." Obviously! In our industry, we refer to it as the 3 C's. You want your future partner to have a casa, a car, and a career. Some call it the 4 ‘tions. You want your partner to have an education, a vocation, transportation, and habitation.
So in our office, we lay it all out. What one is holding out for, and what standards must be met in a person for a real relationship. One little tip, I correct people when they apologize for being "picky." I don't like words with negative connotations, so I compliment them for being "particular." Who doesn't want a partner who is particular in the standards for themselves, and those of a future partner? Particular usually means they take care of themselves, their responsibilities, and others.
Ideally you deserve your equal. In drive, success, fitness, giving and caring. And THAT leads to what we consider the big C. Compatibility. You bet there are online algorithms that can get you a little closer to someone with common interests. But the real test is the time you spend starting to get to know each other. And it usually takes a couple of dates. In fact, the anthropologists we follow says it takes up to four good dates to really start to know someone, and truly see if this person is in your future, or not. And it all starts with a first date, not just a chat, or a text, or photo swapping.
We simply invite you, singles, to open your mind when on a first date with a potential match, whether through us or from your online search. Be a great date, and open your heart to our 3 Cs. Compatibility, Curiosity, and Consideration. Give him a chance. And the rest will follow.
For more information on traditional introductions, courting, and dating for today's modern gay man, visit He's For Me, offline, personal matchmaking designed exclusively for select gay men seeking a long-term relationship - at www.H4M.com and like us on the H4Mmatchmaking Facebook Page for daily inspiration on finding love. #loveislove